


Five Times Chris Denied His Feelings, And One Time He Admitted Them

by JaneyKatherineHummingbird



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Age Difference, Don’t Like Don’t Read, F/M, Female James T. Kirk, Genderswap, My faves in denial, Pirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-09
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2019-01-31 04:54:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12674829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneyKatherineHummingbird/pseuds/JaneyKatherineHummingbird
Summary: Chris is good at denial. What will it take to get him to admit he's in love with Jamie Kirk?





	Five Times Chris Denied His Feelings, And One Time He Admitted Them

**Author's Note:**

> I completely forgot about this half finished fic and decided to wrap it up and post it right away. I'm so deep into the Pirk trash can it isn't funny.

1.The first time it happened, was the morning after he'd challenged her to do better. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but when Jamie Kirk nonchalantly pulled up to the shipyard on what was undoubtedly a very nice motorcycle and practically swaggered to the shuttle, he felt like he'd been bowled over. She walked like she owned the place and her sleek short hair was now tamed and gleaming in the sun. 

"Four years? I'll do it in three," she said, bloodshot blue eyes briefly boring into his as she brushed past him to the shuttle. 

Dang. Was he developing an irregular heartbeat? He'd better see Phil about that skipping a beat phenomenon before it got serious.

2.Chris couldn't count the times Kirk made him regret his life choices over her three years in the academy. Sure, she was a certified genius (had to be to make through the command track classes in three years), but she was frequently a thorn in the side of Authority. 

She'd tested out of all the classes he taught, but he heard plenty from her profs, who were alternately awed and aggravated by her unconventional thinking. As her academic advisor, he'd spent enough time with her to know that was just how she was. When she was a Captain, that would be a great trait, but for now, it caused a lot of raised eyebrows and debates. 

One day, he filled in for the advanced hand to hand instructor and got to see her in action sparring with her classmates. It was clear from a minute's watching how far she'd come from the wild bar brawl to quickly and efficiently bringing down her opponent, even the tall Andorian who had about two feet on her. 

Jamie tended to keep her expression schooled and determined, being a polite combatant, but after a tough bout with Cadet Mitchell, he caught a flash of wild fierceness in her face that threw him for a loop. Swallowing hard, he went on with the instruction, but the image stayed in his head for some time afterwards.

3.Chris was good at denial, very good. By Jamie's third year, he'd convinced himself that his interest was all just an interest in her well-being and growth as a future Starfleet officer. He'd told himself this so much, he'd thoroughly convinced himself the happiness he felt in her presence was simply the product of being glad to see her thriving. 

Perhaps this delusion would have continued for sometime, but then the Academy Formal happened and threw him out of his carefully built up shell of denial.

Crammed into the tight, itchy dress uniform, he was pacing the large reception room and wondering how long he could last before losing his mind.

Chris hated these kinds of shindigs--he was forced to kiss ass and play Chaperone for lustful cadets who didn't seem to grasp that Terra had actual decency laws and no one needed to see them sucking face and pawing at each other. 

He'd just told a very amorous couple to either get a room or tone it down, when Jamie Kirk suddenly appeared and he forgot about everything else. She strode in on the arm of a very disgruntled looking Leonard McCoy, looking downright stunning. 

He didn't think he'd ever seen her in a dress before and the light blue number she was wearing was absolutely perfect on her. One ruffled strap crossed over her right shoulder and the calf length hem was adorned with more ruffles. 

At sight of him, she beamed and guided McCoy in his direction. 

"Well, Captain, you clean up nicely!" Jamie said admiringly. Chris was starting to sweat from both the uniform and her proximity. When she leaned up to give him a peck on the cheek, he felt his face flame. What was wrong with him? He shouldn't be having such thoughts about her or all people. 

"So do you, Kirk," he managed to get out without sounding like a smitten teenager. "I see you even managed to get McCoy out socializing." 

"I promised to protect him from the ravaging hordes," Jamie explained. "Women, men, and non binary cadets all fall all over themselves to get a piece of his fine self. It makes him uncomfortable, so I'm running interference." 

Chris looked at McCoy, who was scowling and flushing, suddenly feeling a deep sympathy with the man. He was in good hands, though, with Jamie as guardian.

"Better get going then, because I see a horde coming right towards you," he warned. 

Jamie nodded and pulled on McCoy's arm. "Let's go dance, Bones. That'll keep them away for a little bit. Don't go too far, Chris," she called over her shoulder. I have every intention of saving a dance for you." 

Chris didn't register that he was staring after her stupidly until he heard Phil chuckle beside him.

"My golly! You ARE gone on her, pal!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Dr. Boyce," Chris replied in his cool formal Captain tone, striding toward a group of colleagues to avoid talking about it. Phil shrugged and let him go, but muttered "denial isn't just a river in Egypt, Chris" under his breath. 

4.Graduation was a somber affair in the aftermath of Nero's attacks. It hurt to see so many empty seats in the auditorium where Cadets should have been. The scale of the tragedy haunted Chris everyday even as he struggled to accept the loss of his ship and his limited mobility. 

Jamie was the talk of the planet with her role in saving it, but she spent as much time as possible visiting Chris in the hospital and having heart to heart talks about captaincy. She didn't want to get her promotion this soon or this way, and told him so frequently. 

He had no idea what to say beyond the advice gleaned from his own years of experience. Jamie's circumstance was unprecedented and came with plenty of criticism and pressure. 

"I'm convinced you're going to prove everyone of those skeptics wrong," he told her after the ceremony. "They know you're one of the brightest cadets in history and it's clear you're destined for command."

"I'm glad someone thinks so," she sighed. "Much as I'm loving the Enterprise already, I spend half the time cussing out Nero for what he did--killing My dad, the genocide, killing my classmates, and hurting you. I was so terrified you were already dead when I found you." 

"At that point, I thought I wasn't far from it," he admitted, remembering the pain and hopelessness he'd felt after Nero had got the codes out of him. "But then you came charging in and saved the day." 

"You're not allowed to die, Admiral," she said seriously, wagging her finger at him, "Not on MY watch. I want you around for as long as possible." 

Oh, flip. There went his heart palpitation again. If this kept up, he'd have to just admit he was in trouble of losing more than a ship. 

5.Chris hated the fact he'd had to take the Enterprise from her after only a year, but Jamie clearly had some lessons still to learn about rule breaking and it's consequences. Spock had been assigned to the Bradbury and Uhura had gone with him, leaving a big void on the bridge. He knew Jamie was mad about that, but she didn't dare speak openly, given how lucky she was to not be shipped back to the academy. It had taken his most persuasive reasoning to get Marcus to agree to her being his first officer instead. 

For the first few weeks of their mission, she was almost painfully polite and formal, struggling to adjust to the new position, and Chris wasn't sure how to regain the easy connection they'd once shared. It was a very different Jamie now, as if one wrong move would end her career. 

Oh, she was a fantastic first officer, and helped get them out of plenty of sticky situations with her genius brain, but she'd withdrawn and spent much of her down time with McCoy or in Engineering. 

He let her be for awhile, then went to have a talk with McCoy. 

"I'm at a loss here, McCoy," he explained. "She seems to be avoiding me and I don't know what's going on."

McCoy nodded knowingly. "She's dealing with some stuff. It’s a little awkward going back to first officer after being used to command.”

Chris wasn’t convinced. “There’s got to be more to it then that. It’s been two months and she just now started avoiding me so blatantly.”

The doctor shrugged. “I’ve got my suspicions, but she’d kill me if I told. I’d suggest you try to confront her one of these days and find out what’s going on. If you keep letting her go, she’ll just drift farther away.” 

Chris pondered this for some time and finally decided McCoy was right. The hands off approach was not working with Jamie T. Kirk. He’d follow her to engineering if that’s what it took to have a conversation.

+1. Unfortunately for Chris, the planned conversation didn’t take place for another two weeks due to the Enterprise being involved in some very delicate peace treaty negotiating between two warring peoples that took up all his time, then he and Kirk ended up being captured and held hostage by the group that opposed the treaty and they had nothing else to do but sit there and wait to be rescued. Geniuses as they were, the aliens had made it next to impossible to escape and certainly didn’t tie them back to back. 

On the third evening, they were abruptly informed they were going to be executed the next morning and left to ponder their fate. 

“Sulu had better get a move on,” Jamie remarked. “He’s cutting it awfully close this time.” 

“Well, maybe the threat of imminent death will coax you to finally tell me what’s been bothering you,” Chris stated simply. He was done with getting the run around. This time, she couldn’t go anywhere. 

Jamie squirmed in her bonds and looked down. 

“Why do you think that?” She asked with feigned ignorance. 

“Oh, maybe the part where you suddenly prefer Scotty’s company and completely avoid me off duty. It’s pretty obvious something’s wrong. If I’ve done something, I’d much rather you tell me so I can make it right. I miss having you around, Kirk.” 

Jamie smiled weakly and sighed, still not looking at him. 

“I hate to be cliche, but it’s not you, it’s me. You didn’t do anything wrong, I’m just trying to deal with stuff.”

“Can I help?” He asked gently. 

“I don’t know,” she said miserably. He could see the sadness in her eyes as well as a touch of fear and decided that he needed to go first.

“Jamie, forgive me if I’m misreading things, but I don’t think this has anything to do with the change in position. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’ve been pretty insufferable without you around.”

“Doesn’t sound too unusual, Sir,” She said, with a hint of the old sass. 

“True,” he admitted with a nod. “But this time the insufferableness was exacerbated due to my realizing just how much I need you: not just as a first officer, but a person.”

Her head shot up and she squinted at him intensely. He couldn’t tell whether the dark circles under her eyes were bruises from the guards knocking her around or just exhaustion, but her eyes were clear and vivid, trained on him. 

Good grief, they were beautiful. SHE was beautiful. 

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” She asked cautiously, but hopefully. 

“If you’re thinking that I’m more than a little.........in love with you, you’d be right,” he blurted. 

Jamie’s eyes got huge. 

“Really? Me, the nonstop pain-in-the-rear with no regard for rules?” 

“Yes, You.” He confirmed. “And your brilliant brain and very lovable self.” 

Jamie was struck speechless for some time. 

“I would never have guessed it, you’re so good at hiding what you’re feeling,” she said at last. “I’ve been avoiding you because I couldn’t hide my own longing anymore and didn’t want you to find out and pity me or worse, transfer me.”

“Transfer the best first officer in the fleet? Hardly,” he scoffed. “I admit I’ve been living in denial since you were a cadet.”

“That long, Huh?” Jamie said, smirking. “When did you fall prey to my endless charm?”

“Pretty quickly after I met you,” he admitted. “But I finally quite trying to pretend I wasn’t completely gone on you a few months ago. Of course, the whole Nibiru mess happened, so it would have been the wrong time to start up anything and I didn’t think it would be received well.” 

He glowered down at his restraints, wishing he could show her just how much he meant it. 

“Sorry I can’t do anything about it right now,” he apologized, looking at her with a frustrated smirk.

“Yeah, it’s Pretty frustrating,” she agreed, “Maybe they’ll let us have one little kiss before they execute us. I can be pretty persuasive.”

He snorted. “I don’t think it will come to that. I’m not going out like that and neither are you.” 

In the end, Chris was right and Sulu brought in the rescue team and had them free in the middle of the night, well before any execution could take place. 

Chris and Jamie proceeded to thoroughly scandalize the away team by grabbing each other as soon as they were untied and expressing their newly admitted feelings in a not-so-little kids.

“Dang it,” muttered Hikaru, trying not to smile, even as he pretended to cover his eyes. “Now I owe Uhura Fifty credits.”


End file.
